Sitting here, still among movement,
My mind leaps along, unbounded,
And recedes with the night's silence.
Fleeting images linger under my eyelids,
Insubstantial as voice lost to wind,
Or the wave forgotten by the ocean.
A simple reflection off light
Elsewhere placed and formed...
How can the moon go so gentle along?
I am leaden and heavy,
Where you are color and life;
Possibilities unspent, a brilliant spark.
Surely, there will be a place, a bridge,
Faithful, fortunate, forgiving...
Where this wing can rest and rejoice.
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Taking a chance on ourselves
So, needless to say, I haven't written in a while. In truth I've been finding myself kind of resistant to it lately. It's a combination of things like spending more and more free time painting (such as the piece here)
But it's also been a time of more reflection after all that has gone on the last few years. I focused so much on writing about what was happening that now it's been nice to just gestate a while.
Of course there are still plenty of things to talk about or that flit through my mind on a regular basis, so hopefully the writing bug has bitten me again; even if just a little.
One thing that I'm always pondering is the perception people have of me going through the various disasters of my life: financial collapse, relationship challenges, being un-homed for a year, and so on. It happens regularly that people think that I weathered it without scars or plenty of moments when hope seemed dismally low. The only thing that I can claim with some reasonable sense is that I tried to keep the difference clear between how I felt and how I treated people around me.
And it's always interesting to me how different people fill in the gaps of my story to fit their inspirational needs. For some it seems that I must be calm because I must meditate several hours a day. For others I must do Tai Chi all the time, or never eat pizza, or drink a beer. One thing is for sure, I could never live up to those standards. I'm much to flakey to remember to do everything I should be doing, and I'm much more easily distracted than people would give credit for.
It makes me smile to think of the super human abilities that people ascribe to me, but if given a chance, I will generally encourage people to do what I work on doing: embrace their own quirks and idiosyncrasies before trying to live up to any other standards that don't ring true to their hearts.
I have firm belief that we spend so much time and effort living by someone else's standards, or what we imagine should be our standards, that often we forget to ask ourselves the simple questions that really matter to us as individuals. Such as: What do I really like? Who do I really want to be? They're simple questions but so easily overlooked. And too often I see people feel like it's too late once they do ask those questions of themselves. But I don't think so.
I am a strong supporter of doing whatever is necessary in order to get through life's ups and downs. And we should give ourselves a break when our capacities aren't quite up to the level we'd like. But sooner or later I hope that anyone asking those questions of themselves does one simple yet fairly frightening thing: Take a chance on yourself! Whether it's job related, hobbies of one sort or another, or especially the relationships we want, it's gotta be you that steps up.
I know some have said to me that they are afraid that what they find on the other side of those questions might be something they don't like. But in my opinion, and experience to date, you always find yourself on the other side. And if that is going to be true then ask one other simple question: What is wrong with you that you'd be afraid to be you?
So lets hope the writing bug is back. And in the meantime, back to some painting...
But it's also been a time of more reflection after all that has gone on the last few years. I focused so much on writing about what was happening that now it's been nice to just gestate a while.
Of course there are still plenty of things to talk about or that flit through my mind on a regular basis, so hopefully the writing bug has bitten me again; even if just a little.
One thing that I'm always pondering is the perception people have of me going through the various disasters of my life: financial collapse, relationship challenges, being un-homed for a year, and so on. It happens regularly that people think that I weathered it without scars or plenty of moments when hope seemed dismally low. The only thing that I can claim with some reasonable sense is that I tried to keep the difference clear between how I felt and how I treated people around me.
And it's always interesting to me how different people fill in the gaps of my story to fit their inspirational needs. For some it seems that I must be calm because I must meditate several hours a day. For others I must do Tai Chi all the time, or never eat pizza, or drink a beer. One thing is for sure, I could never live up to those standards. I'm much to flakey to remember to do everything I should be doing, and I'm much more easily distracted than people would give credit for.
It makes me smile to think of the super human abilities that people ascribe to me, but if given a chance, I will generally encourage people to do what I work on doing: embrace their own quirks and idiosyncrasies before trying to live up to any other standards that don't ring true to their hearts.
I have firm belief that we spend so much time and effort living by someone else's standards, or what we imagine should be our standards, that often we forget to ask ourselves the simple questions that really matter to us as individuals. Such as: What do I really like? Who do I really want to be? They're simple questions but so easily overlooked. And too often I see people feel like it's too late once they do ask those questions of themselves. But I don't think so.
I am a strong supporter of doing whatever is necessary in order to get through life's ups and downs. And we should give ourselves a break when our capacities aren't quite up to the level we'd like. But sooner or later I hope that anyone asking those questions of themselves does one simple yet fairly frightening thing: Take a chance on yourself! Whether it's job related, hobbies of one sort or another, or especially the relationships we want, it's gotta be you that steps up.
I know some have said to me that they are afraid that what they find on the other side of those questions might be something they don't like. But in my opinion, and experience to date, you always find yourself on the other side. And if that is going to be true then ask one other simple question: What is wrong with you that you'd be afraid to be you?
So lets hope the writing bug is back. And in the meantime, back to some painting...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Poem- 11/27/11
Silence is the mantra
bearing me along what seems
an endless, pause-filled night.
Each breath a mark in time
to the sky's movement towards dawn,
ticking towards my next hope.
And like the unopened bloom
hidden in still morning's shadow,
I await the embrace of return,
When I see the sun once more.
bearing me along what seems
an endless, pause-filled night.
Each breath a mark in time
to the sky's movement towards dawn,
ticking towards my next hope.
And like the unopened bloom
hidden in still morning's shadow,
I await the embrace of return,
When I see the sun once more.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Patience is a...
I have often been accused (yes, ACCUSED!!!) of being very patient. Most often by people who only know me peripherally in some way. So lets dispell this myth right here and now.
If any doubts just make me go grocery shopping: The land where people walk in the door and stop just there to get their bearings without thought to who else needs to use the door; where people will stop right at the entrance to an aisle and check their list without making room for anyone to pass by; where no matter what you need to grab from a shelf someone is always there taking time to ponder geological activity before they make their selection. Do you wait the interminable time for them to figure out their next step? Or do you get in there with a quick excuse me and grab-n-go? Need I say more? I think you get my point...
But just what is patience in this context? The flow of time and what I need to accomplish? In a nutshell, yes. So naturally the complete lack of flow will become frustrating. I am a quick learner, and doer once there is something to get accomplished. And shopping is my kryptonite anyway as there is very little I ever need to shop for.
But there is another aspect here that I do think is as important, if not more so, than the time flow. That is acceptance. It connotes not just how long to wait for something, but a mindset that is ok with what is happening, or not happening, right now. It's a quality that is much easier for me to work with. Why I find it easier is that there does not need to be any deep understanding and/or goal before encountering any circumstance. Simply an attitude that says it's OK for this to be arising in this moment, even if I have no control over it. Or if I don't particularly like it. The time flow is not truly relevant since you're looking in the moment as much as possible. You aren't casting forward (as in soonly-sight) or even gauging past circumstance (hinder-sight, remember?) so you simply accept. Then the edge may be off for a moment and you can then ask, "what is actually happening?" From there you can see what comes next.
For me the business world requires alot of this kind of acceptance. As mentioned I am waiting for a new venture to begin and it has taken several more months than the principals thought. So I am hanging out on a limb, or in my van, or in my clinic... hoping that plans come through. Definitely lots of soonly-sightedness that I try to temper with this acceptance. And when I feel like freaking out I can often see that those feelings are based in hinder-sight from past failed attempts. But what have we always said about karma larma ding dong? You just never really know how things play out, much less why. So it is reasonable to hope for success in the meantime of waiting for reality to catch up with your intentions.
For now though, don't go shopping if you don't have to. Or unless you love it. Then I definitely won't understand... but hey, I can accept your wierdness! :)
If any doubts just make me go grocery shopping: The land where people walk in the door and stop just there to get their bearings without thought to who else needs to use the door; where people will stop right at the entrance to an aisle and check their list without making room for anyone to pass by; where no matter what you need to grab from a shelf someone is always there taking time to ponder geological activity before they make their selection. Do you wait the interminable time for them to figure out their next step? Or do you get in there with a quick excuse me and grab-n-go? Need I say more? I think you get my point...
But just what is patience in this context? The flow of time and what I need to accomplish? In a nutshell, yes. So naturally the complete lack of flow will become frustrating. I am a quick learner, and doer once there is something to get accomplished. And shopping is my kryptonite anyway as there is very little I ever need to shop for.
But there is another aspect here that I do think is as important, if not more so, than the time flow. That is acceptance. It connotes not just how long to wait for something, but a mindset that is ok with what is happening, or not happening, right now. It's a quality that is much easier for me to work with. Why I find it easier is that there does not need to be any deep understanding and/or goal before encountering any circumstance. Simply an attitude that says it's OK for this to be arising in this moment, even if I have no control over it. Or if I don't particularly like it. The time flow is not truly relevant since you're looking in the moment as much as possible. You aren't casting forward (as in soonly-sight) or even gauging past circumstance (hinder-sight, remember?) so you simply accept. Then the edge may be off for a moment and you can then ask, "what is actually happening?" From there you can see what comes next.
For me the business world requires alot of this kind of acceptance. As mentioned I am waiting for a new venture to begin and it has taken several more months than the principals thought. So I am hanging out on a limb, or in my van, or in my clinic... hoping that plans come through. Definitely lots of soonly-sightedness that I try to temper with this acceptance. And when I feel like freaking out I can often see that those feelings are based in hinder-sight from past failed attempts. But what have we always said about karma larma ding dong? You just never really know how things play out, much less why. So it is reasonable to hope for success in the meantime of waiting for reality to catch up with your intentions.
For now though, don't go shopping if you don't have to. Or unless you love it. Then I definitely won't understand... but hey, I can accept your wierdness! :)
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