Taking a chance on ourselves

So, needless to say, I haven't written in a while. In truth I've been finding myself kind of resistant to it lately. It's a combination of things like spending more and more free time painting (such as the piece here)

But it's also been a time of more reflection after all that has gone on the last few years. I focused so much on writing about what was happening that now it's been nice to just gestate a while.

Of course there are still plenty of things to talk about or that flit through my mind on a regular basis, so hopefully the writing bug has bitten me again; even if just a little.

One thing that I'm always pondering is the perception people have of me going through the various disasters of my life: financial collapse, relationship challenges, being un-homed for a year, and so on. It happens regularly that people think that I weathered it without scars or plenty of moments when hope seemed dismally low. The only thing that I can claim with some reasonable sense is that I tried to keep the difference clear between how I felt and how I treated people around me.

And it's always interesting to me how different people fill in the gaps of my story to fit their inspirational needs. For some it seems that I must be calm because I must meditate several hours a day. For others I must do Tai Chi all the time, or never eat pizza, or drink a beer. One thing is for sure, I could never live up to those standards. I'm much to flakey to remember to do everything I should be doing, and I'm much more easily distracted than people would give credit for.

It makes me smile to think of the super human abilities that people ascribe to me, but if given a chance, I will generally encourage people to do what I work on doing: embrace their own quirks and idiosyncrasies before trying to live up to any other standards that don't ring true to their hearts.

I have firm belief that we spend so much time and effort living by someone else's standards, or what we imagine should be our standards, that often we forget to ask ourselves the simple questions that really matter to us as individuals. Such as: What do I really like? Who do I really want to be? They're simple questions but so easily overlooked. And too often I see people feel like it's too late once they do ask those questions of themselves. But I don't think so.

I am a strong supporter of doing whatever is necessary in order to get through life's ups and downs. And we should give ourselves a break when our capacities aren't quite up to the level we'd like. But sooner or later I hope that anyone asking those questions of themselves does one simple yet fairly frightening thing: Take a chance on yourself! Whether it's job related, hobbies of one sort or another, or especially the relationships we want, it's gotta be you that steps up.

I know some have said to me that they are afraid that what they find on the other side of those questions might be something they don't like. But in my opinion, and experience to date, you always find yourself on the other side. And if that is going to be true then ask one other simple question: What is wrong with you that you'd be afraid to be you?

So lets hope the writing bug is back. And in the meantime, back to some painting...

Patience is a...

I have often been accused (yes, ACCUSED!!!) of being very patient. Most often by people who only know me peripherally in some way. So lets dispell this myth right here and now.

If any doubts just make me go grocery shopping: The land where people walk in the door and stop just there to get their bearings without thought to who else needs to use the door; where people will stop right at the entrance to an aisle and check their list without making room for anyone to pass by; where no matter what you need to grab from a shelf someone is always there taking time to ponder geological activity before they make their selection. Do you wait the interminable time for them to figure out their next step? Or do you get in there with a quick excuse me and grab-n-go? Need I say more? I think you get my point...

But just what is patience in this context? The flow of time and what I need to accomplish? In a nutshell, yes. So naturally the complete lack of flow will become frustrating. I am a quick learner, and doer once there is something to get accomplished. And shopping is my kryptonite anyway as there is very little I ever need to shop for.

But there is another aspect here that I do think is as important, if not more so, than the time flow. That is acceptance. It connotes not just how long to wait for something, but a mindset that is ok with what is happening, or not happening, right now. It's a quality that is much easier for me to work with. Why I find it easier is that there does not need to be any deep understanding and/or goal before encountering any circumstance. Simply an attitude that says it's OK for this to be arising in this moment, even if I have no control over it. Or if I don't particularly like it. The time flow is not truly relevant since you're looking in the moment as much as possible. You aren't casting forward (as in soonly-sight) or even gauging past circumstance (hinder-sight, remember?) so you simply accept. Then the edge may be off for a moment and you can then ask, "what is actually happening?" From there you can see what comes next.

For me the business world requires alot of this kind of acceptance. As mentioned I am waiting for a new venture to begin and it has taken several more months than the principals thought. So I am hanging out on a limb, or in my van, or in my clinic... hoping that plans come through. Definitely lots of soonly-sightedness that I try to temper with this acceptance. And when I feel like freaking out I can often see that those feelings are based in hinder-sight from past failed attempts. But what have we always said about karma larma ding dong? You just never really know how things play out, much less why. So it is reasonable to hope for success in the meantime of waiting for reality to catch up with your intentions.

For now though, don't go shopping if you don't have to. Or unless you love it. Then I definitely won't understand... but hey, I can accept your wierdness! :)

More hindsight... or hinder-sight???

Well, I sort of remember the beginning of this promised topic. Of course the direction it was supposed to take was definitely lost to the dream time. As it is the beginning only took shape cause I was still awake enough. Everything else I thought "no need to get up to write anything down. This is so cool I will certainly remember it!" Riiiiightt.

So what was intended is this, 20/20 connotes having normal sight, thus looking backwards at 20/20 is "normal." But I don't think that very truthfully represents what we do. To be more accurate it should read "Hindsight is laser-like," or "Hindsight is like using an electron microscope." Or something sufficiently technologically advanced and able to pinpoint the smallest structures imaginable. The point being that we go over past efforts and events with more than a fine toothed comb: We scour things for error in the minutest detail. That's not normal to me. That's obsessive and damaging to certain extremes. Especially, in my honest opinion, if there is no healing aspect that comes out of the process.

So what, you might ask, is my version of things? Hmmm. Good question. At the very least tolerance has to come into the equation. If mistakes have been made then we have to tolerate the fact that we screwed up. 'Tolerate' begins to have threads of 'forgive' within it and hence we might find ourselves saying "Well, won't do that again," rather than something like "Why did I do that? Waaaah...Boo hoo..." You get the idea.

Even in business failure there has to be reflection, but it has to be progressive and not debilitating. Otherwise future ventures are at risk even before money is on the table. The second type of question "Why?" carries fear forward, whereas the first is a statement, an affirmation, an acceptance, and an open door to move on.

So unless you have reason to appreciate lasers (like laser hair removal... what's up with that??? I can't quite imagine how that one works) then look back with normal sight. The same sight that should be happening in every present moment and quite possibly looking forward as well. That way it doesn't become 'hinder-sight'... get it? as in "to hinder"... (I crack myself up :P)

Karma larma whatta?

Those of you who know me have heard me say the phrase "karma larma ding dong" often enough. Some of you have a sense of what karma is, while others simply hear a catchy phrase of sorts. But there is a meaning behind this for me.

Karma is certainly hard to fathom in its full complexity, and no, I don't think of it as a judgement for/against past actions. It simply is what it is, and if you've been a jerk you are also an idiot if you question why people are unhappy with you. Of course if you've been a terrific person deductive reasoning points to some good effects. It's a natural assumption and most often is accurate enough. But here is the rub: karma stretches accross so many aspects of our lives- mental states, physical conditions, how we relate to others including family, friends, customers, strangers, etc.- that there is no simple way to pin down causes and effects that span more than the last few minutes, hours, or even days. Nor any convenient way to explain away a looooooong string of negative events as simply "bad karma, dude!"

In my case things have gone from uncomfortable, to stagnant, to bad, to worse, to worse than I thought it could get, to worse than "what the f*@k is going on?" But that's just the circumstances I have to work with. So what is to understand about it all? Other than it's just karma playing itself out; some good, some bad... (ok, lately most is bad but that doesn't diminish how cool it is to swim at Kaimana Beach each morning before my shower, or watching the clouds along the Ko'olau's catch the evening glows of sunset)

So out of this interplay of karmic forces comes a chance to keep some perspective and humor about things. Hence the "ding dong" part. How can you be too serious if you're saying "ding dong" in a sentence? The "larma" part is simple poetic rhyme; unless there is an ancient meaning that I'm unaware of at this time. I'll google it and see.

As mentioned in an earlier post, my trusty soccer-mom van was sputtering of late and getting worse. Well it needed a new battery, and thanks to a kind and dear friend I traded some services for a new one this past weekend! Yay!! That's good karma coming to fruition and being propelled along for more in the future. Now the van cranks up like its got more of an engine than a wheezing, old lawnmower. The "ding dong" part is all me. Every time I get in I still have the habit of mentally fortifying myself that this time we're not moving. Then it turns over beautifully and I go "oh yeah!" That's the bad karma part... perpetuating an old habit that already has no bearing on present reality. Thus the cycle continues and I shouldn't be surprised to be the ding dong once again.

Here's to fulfilling the good karmic opportunities; causing some more to come along; stopping the bad karmic moments from propogating; and preventing them from coming up at all. Cheers!